AM I WHAT THEY SAY I AM?

THAT OLD WOUND      

Dealing with the harsh words people say to you isn’t easy. They tell you how much of something you are, they tell you that you aren’t good enough for this and that, they tell you that you the odd one out.

It all started when I was in grade 8, my 1^st year in BHS. I had some great friends, that’s what I thought actually. One day during study they were doing their LO homework, they ran into a chapter talking about homosexual people. One of them showed me n said “look at this, you gay as well” then they all laughed. Sure I was hurt and all but I never really took it to mind.

In grade 9, I remember Maxine calling me “teef” which means female dog, she meant I was homosexual.

Then when I was in grade 10, it started again, one time in the LO class, we were doing something about different people. I remember we sat 6 in a table, when one learner was reading, she read something about gay people. Again they looked at me and laughed.  It happened again in the English class when Ms Van Zyl asked who in the class was a homo person, they all screamed out my name.

2012, I had a friend; this ex friend of mine which I won’t mention his name; people also thought that he was gay. Now because we were friends people started saying that we lovers and stuff. It was really harsh, and it led to us not being friend just to avoid the critics.

There was this other time whereby I got anonymous multimedia messages, there were two guys having sex with each other. 

  

I asked myself questions; do I really look or act gay, what have I done for this people to perceive me this way. Yet there was no prevail to all that questions. Sure I thought I was ok about it, it’s just people being people. But one day I just had enough, I wrote an attack, thinking that this would make me feel better. Sure it did but for only that moment. What it did was just cover the wound, it didn’t heal it. Then that day came when the wound was reopened, for that time I was calm and collected but when I got to my room, it was a different story. I sat on my bed and thought about, at that very moment I started crying…that old wound was open again. I thank God that it was opened, because now this is an opportunity for me to properly deal with it.

Now I’m sure you wondering if I am homo or not, well I don’t have to explain to anyone how I am. Just know that I am me, me who cares not no more what people think of, me who strives to stick out, me who has gone against all odds, me who won’t let words bring me down, me who has done it all, me who me I proclaim to be me, me who is son of JOY LETLONKANE and SCREAMER PHUKUNTSI, me MOPHIRING, but best of all me who is son of GOD and liveth for GOD, me who loves JESUS CHRIST.

WORDS OF ADVICE: as hard as it may be, don’t live your life to what people see it to be, don’t let people tell you who you are… Remember you are what you believe you are, don’t make the same mistake I did, by not dealing with your problems and letting people’s words get to you.

THANKS FOR READING. GOD BLESS U